Thursday, February 2, 2012

Angry, Very Angry

I've been angry for a while now. Very, very angry right in the pit of my stomach. It sits there everyday, waiting for me to mull over it again and again and time again.

What's worse is that I'm not only angry, but I'm mad at God. That's definitely where all of this is aimed at. As much as I hate that, I can't just let it go. I have tried to pray hard on it and read my Bible faithfully, etc. However, it's not going away. And that makes me mad at myself, but I don't understand. I am confused, I am frustrated, I am so upset.

Why couldn't I have been one of those people whose life just magically worked out? Because that certainly doesn't happen for me....ever. Now my future is completely screwed up and it's unforgivable in my opinion. Completely unforgivable. Worst part is.....there was nothing I could do to prevent it. It was completely out of my control and now where am I? In a bad place.